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I wanted to start this off my saying thank you for taking the time to read this. I am 26, married with 2 boys all under the age of 4. Here is where things go wrong for me and I don't know if anyone can relate or help. I was a law enforcement officer for an elite agency in the government. 4 years ago I was arrested and charged with several crimes that I did not commit. My boss was responsible for them and it happened when I was still operating in Iraq as a Navy SEAL. I was arrested and the story was made public. But the news got it wrong of course and made me look crazy and responsible. I was put on house arrest when I was released from jail. The next day my father suddenly died of a heart attack. I was hospitalized for 2 weeks due to a stress induced heart attack myself. My family and church stopped associating with me. My family found my situation funny. They completely outcasted me. 10 months later my wife cheated on me with a couple guys (had a threesome) and wasn't sorry for it at all. I became an alcoholic and extremely suicidal. After a couple attempts will medication I just stopped caring. I since quit drinking. But since the case happened I had to move myself and my family in my mom's house. I hate that. I can't get a job because of this pending case. The court system has pushed my case off for 4 years! I try my best to look for things to be happy about but I can't even take care of my kids, or put gas in my car. Pay my phone bill. I don't feel like a man anymore. I get disrespected by the police that constantly comes to my house, by my so called wife, my mother. They talk to me like I am nothing. I have to wear this ankle monitor like I am some kind of criminal. It's a constant reminder. This case should have been over 2 years ago but they don't care by life is on hold and I am drowning. I didn't do anything to deserve this. I won't kill myself, but if death came by way I wouldn't move out of the way. Everyone wants to tell me it's going to be fine, just be strong or get over it. like they can relate... I don't care about life anymore. I want to die I cry so often, I am overwhelmed. I haven't been able to sleep in 3 years without taking something to knock me out. I don't have PTSD from service and I have had multiple court-ordered psych evals that prove I am mentally stable. This case is what is making me lose my soul. I have done everything I can to make things better. There is no time limit on how long the courts can take and we are nowhere near the end. I want to die so I can be done with this pain that I feel 30 seconds out of every minute of each day. All I feel is sadness and disappointment. I wish I was never born. I wish my parents never met. I am hopeless
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