I want out

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Don't get me wrong I'm proud of everything I've that done, but it doesn't feel enough.. I hate my bipolar.. I want to get rid of it sad

3 likes, 24 replies

24 Replies

  • Posted

    sorry to see you feeling low. It wont go away overnight though. most people have good and bad days I hope you feel better about things soon.


  • Posted

    I know how u feel , I'm 38 and only just been diagnosed thus year hated getting the diagnosis,  struggled with the medication made me feel like a zombie and made me put on weight, I've cone off the meds and I'm just plodding along day by day like I have done for the past 38 years , it's hard work but we are all here for a reason 
  • Posted

    Yeah I agree with you. But we can't opt out unless we die and we only have one go at being here so we might as well do what we can, (as best we can given how we feel at times) to get any happiness we can. I feel calmer than I have recently and sick with withdrawal and strange with new meds. I wanted to give up on working on trying to feel as well as possible last week. The alternative is...well it's get off the world or ask for help from somewhere and someone that will start you in the direction of better days. You know all this anyway, having 38 years life experience. Bipolar is #@$*#******!!!! 
    • Posted

      Bi polar is sh*t, but Im trying to ignore it and pretend I'm fine at work and carry on regardless, I think I've just adapted to it, Sunday I couldn't get out of bed low mood  and full of tears, this morning I was up early did loads of shopping caught up on all the jobs I didn't do Sunday very manic day, , just waiting to see what tomorrow brings, if I'm depressed and down I just take myself away from everyone and put a fake smile on for work, it's all sh*t but I take one day at a time and muddle through it alone, the mess made me worse I don't think I could have continued working if I continued with the med,  I'm going to try herbal remedies  
  • Posted

    Hi Lisa,

    What exactly make a person 'bi-polar' or 'manic-depressive' or whatever term you're comfortable with that describes what you experience is, at best, poorly understood by science to date.  However, a look at history shows that many (probably most) of the people who have made great contributions to society suffered from an affliction like your's.  Winston Churchill sufferred from bouts of severe depression, yet what an amazing orator, writer, and thinker!

    I saw a pamphlet (obviously written by a psychiatrist) about bi-polar, and the cover of the pamphlet featured a picture of Herr Ludwig von Beethoven.  The inside cover featured a quote of a psychiatrist saying 'If [Beethoven] had not been saddled with his illness, what greater things might he have accomplished??"

    I'll tell you what exactly greater things, ZIP!  It's the illness that drives us to create, to write, to express, and to love, and to savor the good in life, because we, above all, know how fleeting and temporary nature of happiness and elation like noone else can. That's my opinion.  If Beethoven had spent his life on high doses of anti-psychotics, I sincerely doubt there would have ever been a 5th Symphony or a Moonlight Sonata.

    I'm not so much trying to badmouth medications and treatments as I am trying to illustrate that there are bittersweet advantages to suffering through what we suffer through.  It's never quite totally sweet, unfortunately, and more often than not, we feel the suffering far more severely and for longer terms than we see the upswing.  Such is life, I'm afraid.  I can sympathize with your message.  However, I wouldn't change a thing about who I am - after struggling with Manic-Depression for decades.

    • Posted

      Your approach resonates with me Stephen and I wouldn't give it (BP) up either, although I am still learning how to manage it better at times. I would be interested in chatting if you care to. Nell

  • Posted

    My honest and less detailed without a (history lesson) response is currently being monitored due to the fact that I stated what I thought, 'I want out.' might mean.

    When someone wants support I tend to read a post very carefully. If somebody wanted to know what their condition is/means OR wants to say I feel rubbish and hate this condition OR someone wants to know what to do I answer in relation to the context of the original post. I don't do huggy, lovey stuff to strangers like in reality. If I know you and trust you I'll be kind.

    Anyway besides this, I understand too and I hope you feel less rubbish and defeated soon. 

  • Posted

    OMG Lisa I can so relate to that message. My bipolar is currently completely messing my life up, when it was ticking along quite nicely before. It is a vile, horrible, destructive and debilitating condition at times isn't it? Are you on medication at the moment? Do you feel you could do with some more help? Xxxx
  • Posted

    Minor correction to my PhD. dissertation:

    "...because we, above all, know how fleeting and temporary the nature of happiness and elation can be like noone else can. "

    I'll append by saying that while psychological trauma in childhood (or physical brain trauma, which has similar effects) may turn out to contribute to the illness, the miniscule slice of understanding that science has worked so hard to extract to this point suggests that what we suffer from is purely a brain or neurological condition.  It's noone's fault, and it is exactly what it is.

    The silver lining to the cloud is that we are able to experience many things the average, run-on-of-mill bloke never gets to.  Euphoric mania, and hypomania, for instance.  I don't care for dealing with the aftermath of either, but while you're there, it's a pretty incredible feeling.  I'm just being honest.  Lying awake at 3:00AM with my thoughts dancing around the room in 3 dimensional, full color abstractions, able to solve any problem (I think) in a few miliiseconds?!  It's cool!  I think if there were a pill you could take to experience that feeling for four hours and then come back to normal it would sell like hotcakes.  Again, I don't mean to underscore how dangerous and destructive it is, but I'm being honest about how good it feels to be in those states.  It's like a higher state of consciousness.  I look forward to what is discovered in the next 20 years about all that, and learning 'why?".  I've had some very memorable hypomanias, and as horrible as my major episodes were, 'what a ride!'. smile

  • Posted

    I apologize if you feel my reply was not fitting. I'll bear what you have said in mind.
  • Posted

    Hi Lisa,

    Bipolar is an opportunity and not an excuse! Please love your bipolar as if you control and manage it well, you will succeed in your life.

    The bipolar is my friend since 1993! I have suffered at the beginning but then I understood it and now I know how to deal with it. At the end of the day you have to live with it.

    Finally I want to share this with all of you. The opportunity that I see in bipolar disorder is that there is a very thin line separates geniusy - creativity and mania. If you have an excellent experienced psychiatrist, he/she will know how to keep this creativity going without pushing it back to manic-depression e.g. using risperdal as the only way to manage the mania without giving a chance to some physiological treatment.

    • Posted

      Here Here!

      After much studying of the 'illness' and much reading, my opinion is that true manic-depression is a neurological condition - akin to epilepsy and seizure disorders.  It can be very hard to live with, but personally I have found that about 90% of the hardships of the illness are dependent upon attitude.  'Poor me' will never help anyone get out of anything unpleasant.  There is much inner work and learning as well as acceptance that is required before people are able to fully understand that.  I love your attitude.

    • Posted

      Stephen!!.... My advice to you, as you do not have Bipolar disorder, is to remain quiet!! You have said some damaging, degrading and discriminating comments, which only cause further distress and upset. Leave forums like this alone unless you know what you are talking about!.


    • Posted

      Dear Smartypant71.

      I.  I do not see anything I have said that is even marginally negative, and certainly not damaging or discrimination.

      II.  I certainly do have bi-polar disorder.

      I'm sorry you don't like what I have to say, but none of your criticism contains any substance whatsoever.  You are free to disagree.

    • Posted

      It would seem to me, that you would much rather hear something to the effect of:  "I'm bi-polar, I'm doomed, life isn't worth living, I want to die" than anything remotely positive or encouraging.

      I have lived with the gamut of symptoms since at least 1997, and really probably earler.  I completely feel the pain, but I'd rather get myself out of bed in the morning and dare to think in at least a mildly optimistic way, rather than simply set out to drown myself in my sorrows.  It's the same for people who are alcoholics and other drug addicts, or people who suffer from chronic depression, bi-polar, schizophrenics, and psychotics.  We suffer what we suffer, but part of that is a choice.  I see nothing at all discouraging about the notion that we have some choice as to the level of our suffering.  I will not post to this thread again.  I'm sorry if you're offended by the notion of hope.

    • Posted

      Thank you, unless you're going through it yourself you don't know. 

      You can study it forever but you'll never understand our pain

    • Posted

      You did not say you had Bipolar in your initial post. You simply claimed to have 'studied' it. Remarks such as 'poor me' are damaging and highly offensive. Do not make sweeping judgements about either the condition or it's sufferers when both are equally completely individual and unique. Choice is undoubtedly a factor in all parts of life. But not always accessible. I do not like being judged as you have No idea what I have experienced.
    • Posted

      Hello smartpants71,

      I'm breaking my vow to not post to this thread because you seem to be addressing me correctly.  I'll grant you that in the context 'poor me' may sound a tad insensitive, but I was speaking only about my own struggles, and did not intend to impose that on everyone.  I could have made that clearer.  I don't feel I was judging.  But, since you brought it up, I have had immense personal struggles with bipolar in my life, and I can probably adequately sympathize with nearly everyone here.

      What I really want to say, is not that we don't have much control over our genetics or our diagnosis.  But we have complete control as to how we view ourselves and our attitude and emotional response to the illness.  I say these things not to degrade anyone.  Not in the least!  I wish someone had helped me realize how much of my problems and struggles were based solely on my attitude and beliefs, and not due to any genetic predisposition or illness, ages ago.  I would have wasted less time searching for the next big medication to save me.  It doesn't work.  Medication is vital in treating the illness, but it's not the ultimately solution to all of our problems, unfortunately.  I would love to save someone else the years of trouble I have endured by pointing them in the right direction.  We need to solve our inner problems as well as medicate the illness if we are to truly be free and 'happy.'  I certainly hope you don't object to that.  I wish LESS suffering, not more, but much of the time the only way to accomplish that is to grow as an individual.  Medication alone just doesn't cut it.

    • Posted

      I do agree with you about the neurological condition but from my experiance psychotherapy can control this disorder and if I want to be extreme I would say it helps a lot in preventing mood swings, not only stblise it.

      It is just like a person who lost his/her feet and by physicalthrepy, the person will go back to the daily activity and maybe start running. I do beleive there are many athlitic who run without an actual feet as it's all about therpy.

    • Posted

      I do agree with you about the neurological condition but from my experience psychotherapy can control this disorder.

      If I want to be extreme I would say it helps a lot in preventing mood swings, not only stabilize it.

      It is just like a person who lost one of his/her foot, by physiotherapy the person will go back to the daily activities and may start running. In fact, he or she may overrun a person with two feet as I do believe there are many athletes who run without an actual foot as it's all about getting the most stable therapy. 

      A bipolar person with suitable psychotherapy will learn how to use his/her manic episode in order to enhance the critical thinking maybe by adding some drugs. Please watch the movie 'LIMITLESSbiggrin

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